I got a totally random review today for the Ouran fanfic by some user who goes by "foolonthehill." S/he compared me to Tennessee Williams. The hell? That's one of the most insanely flattering things anyone's ever said to me. And to clarify for that person and all the other people who have hinted over the years - no, I don't usually write about things that have happened to me, since I've led a privileged life filled with a strong family, supportive friends, and absolutely no booze, drugs, or sexual abuse, thank God. I just like the media I take in and the media I put out to be supremely fucked up. Fucked-up-ness is missing from my real life because I've been extremely lucky, but we all have a dark place inside us and, in cases like mine, some bizarre, deep-seeded anger, and I like tapping that for fiction to keep it from seeping out into my otherwise wonderful life. I think a lot of people do that. I HOPE a lot of people are privileged enough to do that. But for those people who write about tragedy as a way of working through their OWN personal tragedy...that's way, way braver than anything I've ever done.

Anyway, that comment made me feel guilty for not writing fanfiction for so long, but I have to be honest: Tokyo Demons is consuming my life. I expected to be done with Book 1 in November and it's still not finished, nor will it realistically be done before Feb. I don't know when I'll have a spare moment to write fanfiction again. I'm sorry. There are days when I fantasize quitting my job and just writing all day, but that's a stupid idea...just yesterday the med student in my lab was explaining benzodiazepene addiction, which is essential to the plot of something I'm working on. I need to keep being a scientist for my day job so I can get more ideas. Ulterior motives.

I'll be back eventually, to anyone reading this. I'm sorry I'm such a flake.

I followed the advice of many people and finally watched Tiger & Bunny...which is a surprisingly compelling anime. It's like Watchmen if Watchmen were a buddy cop comedy that constantly advertised Pepsi. And somehow the result is awesome. I don't get it. I was crying by the end, I was so emotionally involved. WTF?

I started a fanfic for Tiger & Bunny...it's about Blue Rose and her newly budding Electra Complex, because the second they introduced that as a plot point my brain went berserk. I love fiction about the adolescent female sex drive. It's so complex and fucked up that you can go a million different ways with it. I'm trying to write something tastefully dirty with lots of gratuitous descriptions of Tiger's aging, hella hot body because I'm immature like that. I also have an idea for a story about Tiger and Bunny as a pair, but Bunny is such a terribly written character (although he improves by the end) that I'd rather not write about him, almost in spite. I'll have to see how the Blue Rose one goes.

Anyway, I got started on it, but it's not sounding right, so I'm going to put it aside for a few weeks while I instead scramble to make the deadline for Tokyo Demons Chapter 6. I should be back in...early Nov, maybe? With a new fanfic. Hope to see you then, and if you're Jewish, have a very happy New Year's.

I've actually gotten some work done lately. I'll be brief:

1.) The unofficial epilogue of the Ouran fanfic (plus some notes and omake) can now be found here.

2.) A PDF of the entire fanfic (minus the notes and the epilogue) can be downloaded here. It's not a big file, so if anyone's having trouble downloading it, just PM me and I can e-mail it to you.

3.) I'm not sure what to work on next, but you can vote on it here.

4.) For those who messaged me over the course of the Ouran fic for discussion on creative writing in general, I put together an admittedly sloppy little guide here. Feel free to contribute to the comments section; it's fun to compare techniques.

Ramadan starts tomorrow, so no smut for a month. I'll still be writing Tokyo Demons, though. In Sept I'll close the poll and decide what fanfiction to work on next.

That is all.

I've accidentally decided to continue my long tradition of only updating once or twice a year. Ah, well. Not sure if people are still reading this, but I thought I'd put some updates up.

1.) Not a secret to some of you, but I'm a professional writer under a different pen name, and I've started work on a huge project under that name (www.tokyodemons.com). It's where the majority of my creative writing is happening these days. Tokyo Demons is definitely tamer (in the sexual sense) than some of the stuff I've posted here, as this journal was specifically intended to be an outlet for my more adult, experimental stuff, but I may do some 18+ Tokyo Demons spin-off stuff and post it here. Maybe. The project is a bit new and is a HUGE time-suck, so I'm playing things by ear. I hope you visit there and enjoy a serial about supernatural high school students going insane with angst and violence.

2.) About that Ouran fanfic. It technically ended, like, a year ago, and I have some extra material and notes I wanted to publish at the end of it, but...I also started writing an epilogue. It was the epilogue I originally planned if the story was too open-ended, but I kinda like the ending at Chapter 6, and I'm afraid this epilogue is going to be unnecessary and unsatisfying. But does it matter? When it comes to fanfiction, do people err on the side of "more" because it's a free medium and hell, "more" is usually more fun? Or should I respect the dignity (ha ha) of an ending that specifically stopped before the story got too drawn-out? I dunno, I've been deliberating on this for WAY too long.

3.) For the few of you who still read this journal, I actually really value your input, because WHAT THE HELL you're still here. So I'm posting a poll involving the few stupid musings I've had over the last year, and I'd like help deciding what I should do next to satisfy my craving for fandom involvement. Please participate if you can spare a moment and actually give a damn.

Thank you for your time.


Poll #1754824 I don't know what projects are worth doing at this point.
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 5

I would be interested in...

I love solid trailers for my otome games (and they've been getting surprisingly awesome lately). But sometimes you don't need them to be flashy or shocking. You just need them to be...deliberate.

Thus this trailer for Gin no Eclipse (Silver Eclipse) is still one of my all-time favorites. Enjoy.

I've had to do a lot of hard thinking about this lately, since the end of my Kyouya and Tamaki fanfic is now months overdue and my other fanfiction and general fandom plans are all resting on me finishing that first. As odd as it is to say, my jobs have become so fulfilling lately that I've had little drive to pursue creative endeavors when I get home at night. I'm not too tired, I'm not too stressed, and I have adequate (although not excessive) time to do it...it's just that I feel good when I come home from the labs, "job well done" sort of good, "I'm making decent money AND I'm helping people in the public health sector" sort of good, so I come home fulfilled and happy and ready to just sit back and watch a movie. My house is in more order now. My paperwork, my finances, my life is in more order now, and I think it's all because I feel like I'm in a good career and that makes me feel like more of a successful adult in general. That feeling of success pushes me to treat myself as successful, so I'm buying nicer clothes, nicer haircuts, eating at nicer restaurants; taking myself more seriously in general. Does that mean I've gone past the quarter-life crisis? But, more interestingly, was feeling pressured, unsure, and stressed the reason I turned to outlets like angry boy smut?

I'm wondering now how much of my creativity over the years was spurred because I was bored in class, bored at work, and insecure enough in my science proficiency that I viewed the lab as a place where all my failings would show. I'm still a pretty shitty biochemist, to be sure, and I really need to start reading textbooks in my free time so I can stop embarrassing myself in not knowing the basics of my school learning from years ago, but I no longer feel like I'm "faking it" when I work in my field. (Apparently this is a thing, known as Imposter Syndrome, and it's not uncommon, especially among professional women.) I enjoyed writing and storytelling in middle school and decided to make it "my specialty," so I've worked at it for years, and my success with it meant that it was the area of my expertise I could always fall back on to feel confident. But now I don't...need it? I like it, but I guess I don't need it. That's a really weird feeling.

Anyway, long story short--I decided recently that even if I don't feel like I need to write, I want to continue to write, because writers have really touched me and inspired me over the years and, if possible, I want to touch and inspire others. I think media is such a hugely influential aspect of culture and I want to be a part of that--a part of the influential collective force that cradles people in their time away from work and school and inspires them when they need inspiration. Boy, that sounds pretty cocky...but it works both ways, because people who write inspire me, and people who write me about my writing inspire me, too. It's like...a positive feedback loop of inspiration and creativity. I want to continue to be a part of that.

So! I've decided that I'm going to finish the Ouran fanfic (including the epilogue) by mid-March at the latest. From there, I'm not sure what I'm going to write next, but it's going to be badass. Badass, I say!

To those of you reading this, thanks for putting up with my evolution through adulthood and the hold that's put on Kyouya and Tamaki totally making out while crying.

I keep falling off the Internet. I just started a second job, so now I have two biochem labs who like to keep me late and/or follow me home with paperwork. I don't miss being a grad student anymore, but DAMN if working the grind can try one's patience. At least all my labs are filled with nice people and reasonable bosses.

I'll write more fanfiction soon, I swear. Just got back from a long trip and can finally focus on hobbies again. (Gasp!) Sorry for the black-out.

In other news, Starry Sky in Summer is so, so cute. I just wish I could find time to play it for more than half an hour. And have you seen this? It REALLY makes me wish someone was working on an English patch and I could volunteer my precious little free time to help. I replayed Messiah lately and cried again, for, like, the MILLIONTH TIME. I love that game. (For those of who don't know, that's where my icon is from.) I hope they make a fourth drama CD off that new novel they sold at Comiket.